We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
