You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
