Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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