how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
