Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
