It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
