im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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