wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
