the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
