I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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