I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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