Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
