i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The feeling are messing with the penis
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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