I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
