I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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