Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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