Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wear drunk well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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