Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
