I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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