Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
