Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
