i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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