Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
