shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
