I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
