the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
