we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
