I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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