So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
