Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize