I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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