There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
