i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
