This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
