david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
