You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
