We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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