Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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