I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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