he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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