I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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