The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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