sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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