I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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