sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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