You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My vagina is officially offended.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
