You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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