I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
