anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
