And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
