whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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