I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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