too bad you live with your parents still
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
