Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
