I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
