In the future we'll all be gay
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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