I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He shit in the fireplace
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
