in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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