it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
