I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
