What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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