She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
