tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
