He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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