I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
