All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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