I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
