so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
