Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
