Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
