i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
